How it all began.  I received a dire note, on  fuchsia colored, lined stationary, folded into a tiny 1"by 2" rectangle, one day, with a note scribbled in a shaking hand, that read:  "THE PROBLEM".

I hesitantly opened it, fearing all sorts of major dilemmas that my dear father had run into, only to find that it read:  "I CAN'T SEND AWTUMM-Related junk in December or March !!!!  (THEY Ain't AWtumm!!!)"  Good Lord!!  What in tarnation could he be referring to?  Well, I knew there were those consistent Birthday (March) mailings of t-shirts, books, and little things to entertain my easily-entertained self, and then the Christmas boxes of similarly flavored goodies to keep myself entertained until March came around again. 

I then saw the card that had accompanied the brightly colored note. The front of the card was the picture of an adorable bloodhound puppy, floppy ears and all, laying luxuriously in a very large, red water/food bowl. There were no tears in the dog's eyes and he appeared quite relaxed, so I continued on with opening the card and found, to my relief, that Dad had come up with a solution, with the help of a few friends he found in the alley behind his house.

This is what he wrote:

Dear Dawter----

As you can easily tell by the relaxed and groovy look on my face (see other side), I have found a solution to the problem which has so vexed me these many long months.... (see he liked dots too)
Actually, it was Irv and Fragile Mae who brought light into the darkness.  One night, as they were on their way home from prayer meeting, I met them in the alley.  They saw I was troubled, and when I explained the problem, Irv, with his usual quick insight, said:  "Well, if you can't send something at one time, why not send it at a different time?"  When Fragile Mae vigorously nodded her agreement, I knew at once that my troubles were over!!  O Joyful Bliss!!  Never again will I be a prisoner of the calendar!

Soooo---enclosed are the fruits of the solution.  Be sure to chew each mouthful 33 times.  The Book Report will be graded on:
1. Whether you read it.
2. Whether you were conscious while doing so.
3. Whether any language is your native tongue.
4. What the weather was like last Thursday.
It's time for me to go now and lie down by my dish.

With LOL (which actually means Lots of Love here), Relapsed & Goofy.
P.S.  I know you're curious:  I always meet people in the alley when I want my problems solved.
R&G

I giggled so hard when I read that, but I had no idea, at that time, that the stories that followed would be so entertaining and full of wit, charm, and just plain silliness.  For those of you that know me, all of those words totally describe my character perfectly.

Enjoy and pray for future installments,

My Father's Daughter